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VisionTek sure uses some wacky terms to describe their video cards. Check this out…

With 8 pipelines, pushing through 3 BILLION pixels per second, and 4 parallel GEO-Metry engines, processing 380 million [T&L] polygons per second, this card gives GRATUITOUS, adult entertainment. The 9800XT supports 128-bit, 64-bit and 32-bit floating-point color formats. HI-RES 32-bit, 3D gaming up to 2048×1536 for head-shooting, flesh-ripping, ALARMING graphics power.

The 9800XT fronts more than 18 BILLION (with a “B”) anti-aliasing samples per second for AWESOME performance up to 16 trilinear filtered texture samples per pixel. ATI’s programmable SMARTSHADERª 2.1 makes head-wounds and severed limbs look real with enhanced lighting and texture effects, while SMOOTHVISIONª 2.1 serves up full-scene anti-aliasing.

(taken from here)

Computers have gone to the ricers. :(

[UPDATE: I found a bit more…]

Here‘s the one I was originally thinking of when I went digging around VisionTek‘s site:

Freak’n KICK ASS performance
Xtasy 9500 Pro, powered by ATI’s RADEON™ 9500 PRO VPU with 128MB DDR memory WILL BLOW YOU… AWAY! ATI’s TRUFORM technology makes heaving orbs more ample and well-endowed, while HYPER Z™ II saves bandwidth for mo’ righteous performance in your more demanding sit-e’ations. ATI’s SMOOTHVISION, anti-aliasing, KICKS THE CRAP out of visual distortion, and sends that BI-A-TCH crying home to mama! That means better, smoother looking images. HI-RES 32-bit, 3D gaming up to 2048×1536 means that when ‘intense applications’ leaves his house, THE 9500 SLAPS THAT PIG DOWN, SAYS “GIMME MY MONEY BI-A-TCH!”

BITCH’N Visual Effects
SMARTSHADER 2.0 provides FREAK’N AWESOME lighting effects. The 9500 PRO supports DirectX® 9.0 and OpenGL® ATI’s CHARISMA ENGINE II fronts ‘Transformation and Lighting’ (T&L) at 62.5 million triangles per second. “62.5M per second?”YOU BET YO’ ASS 62.5M PER SECOND! PIXEL TAPESTRY II, 3D rendering engine, powers an AWESOME 2.4 gigatexels/second for fill ratesat 32-bit HI-RES.

Ever have TWO MONITORS at one time?
Throw in DVD support and you have yourself a threesome…

Heaving orbs? < sigh >