Day Three of the journal I kept on an Alaskan cruise I took in 2003.
Other Days: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11
5:35 AM ADT
Well, it's that time. My wake-up call never came; fortunately I had the alarm clock hack going, as that's what woke me up. I just took a nice, long comfortable shower and I'm in the middle of getting dressed. After that comes packing up the backpack for a few hours of wandering in Ketchikan. We'll see how that all goes... I think I am going to grab a cab for a ride to the beach. We'll see where things go from there.
11:57 AM ADT
Scene: US Post Office in Ketchikan, AK. As I approach to buy some stamps I realize that I recognize the person working behind the counter. After asking for the types of stamps which I required the conversation went something like this... 'Is your name Elizabeth? I think I know you from a while ago...' 'You never knew me.' In writing, it doesn't carry the weight which it did in person. I honestly was not expecting to run into anyone I knew from before, much less someone I (thought I) knew very personally, least not while getting stamps from the Post Office. I'm really not sure how I feel right now, well, besides slightly numb.
I'm going to walk around the ship for a bit, then I'll write some more. Perhaps food will help. No, I know how I feel: I feel really, really awful. I feel ashamed of who I was.
12:43 PM ADT
Who would have thought that I would spend the last two hours of time sitting on the ship instead of out and about in the town I had most desired to visit? Ah well, that's how things go.
Anyway, I'm now drying off from being almost completely soaked. Why? Well, that's because of what I decided to do this morning, part of which involved walking nearly six miles is a Ketchikan-style downpour. Remember, this area is technically a rain forest. Anyway, the first thing I did was wake at 5:00 AM ADT so that there would be plenty of time to do things. It turns out that I was a little early, but that wasn't a big deal. I watched them attach the various gangways to the ship, and then as soon as the announcement about departure was made, I made my way off the ship.
The first thing I did was head straight through the touristy part of downtown and up the street to where I remembered there being a record store named Physical Graffiti. It's no longer there, and the building where it was located seems pretty run down and generally abandoned. After that I walked back down to the waterfront area and just started walking north. Well, I don't know if it's exactly north, but I followed along northbound Tongass Highway, or whatever it's called downtown. I stopped briefly at a coffee shop to grab a latte, talked briefly with the guy who worked there, then continued on my way. I kept going, unfortunately not taking any photos, until I reached The Plaza, which is a shopping mall which contains a McDonalds, Carrs, Alaska Airlines office, gas stations, and various stands and shops. First thing I did was go into Carrs and grab a bottle of Extra Strength Anbesol for the lingering sore spot in my mouth. It's not as bad today as it has been, but it would still be nice to have something to dull the pain in case I eat more pineapple or grapefruit or something like that. I have to say that Carrs just seems forlorn these days. I don't know what I was expecting, but that place doesn't seem to have improved a bit since 1996 beyond moving to a Safeway store. Then, because I used to eat there regularly when I was here before, I decided to head into the McDonalds. I grabbed a Sausage McMuffin with Egg meal, complete with a Sprite, then sat down and ate it. After a rather long visit to the restroom, I headed out the door and over to a cab.
I realized that one thing I wanted to do while here was visit Bugge Beach across the street from where I stayed. Being me I was wishy-washy as to whether or not I should actually make it down there. Kicking myself with the same boot that I used to convince myself to take this cruise made me realize that there is only one chance to do some things, so I'd best do them now. After all, is it not better to regret the things you did as opposed to regretting the things you didn't do?
The cab ride from Carrs to the beach ran $17.00 with tip. I also got to hear the driver's story about how once when coming back from hunting he was caught in a storm while out on the water. He told of how the waves were so tall that they couldn't see the trees over the water when they were in the troughs and how if they faced the ship directly into the waves they crashed over the boat, completely soaking them.
As we got near the beach I actually recognized where we were. I found it odd, although it's rather expected if you think about it. In one of the pull-off area for cars to park there was a school bus (without driver) and two dogs. I have no idea what either was doing there, but eventually the bus left and the dogs disappeared. I can only assume that the driver lives right there and was stopping home to let the dogs out or something. But, who knows...
The first thing I did was head straight down to the beach to grab some pictures and look in the tide pools. I should probably clarify slightly... This isn't a beach as one would think; sand and water and all, it's more like a area of craggily rock upon which the waves crash. Anyway, I wandered around there for a good fifteen minutes, then I walked up to the road. I took a moment to take a picture of the house where I stayed, then I continued on my way. Oddly, the place looks the same with the only change being that there were no cars in the driveway and the smoke house was gone. The Firefighter Tot Alert sticker was still in one of the bedroom windows, the paint looked identical, the kid's wooden and plastic playset is still in place, and the raspberry bushes are still growing wildly along the front of the lawn. I took a few more pictures of the surrounding area, then walked a short ways up Martin Bugge road which goes rather steeply up a hill right in this same area. In order to make this road a channel of rock was removed leaving one rough and one smooth hill side. In these stone hills there are what appear to be 1cm pyrite, or Fool's Gold, cubes embedded in the rock, evenly spaced about every four to eight inches. It's really bizarre. In 1996 I was able to pry a few of these out of the rock to take with me, but this time I didn't see any that looked that way, so I picked up a fallen piece off the ground and stuck it in my pocket.
After this I started my trek back to town. The rain was coming down hard and I was bundled up inside my jacket, occasionally pulling out my camera in order to grab a photo of this or that, but I plodded on. It was wonderful... The cleanest air I've breathed in years, trees older than anyone I knew, and a winding asphalt road. Every once in a while I had to step to the side for a passing, but that wasn't really a concern of mine. It wouldn't be until another four miles, an hour and a quarter or so later, that I was back in town. Along the way I managed to see everything from a half-sunk fishing boat bobbing along in front of someone's house, half of a skateboard, and the gas station that I used to always stop at. This time, too, I stopped, but only to use the restroom and purchase a bottle of water. I'd only had a latte and some of the Sprite at McDonalds since I had left the ship, so I was starting to get somewhat thirsty. I made my way out of there then continued back towards the town. Not long after this point I ran across Saxman, a village which I had never actually visited. The main attraction in Saxman is an area, who's name escapes me, which contains a number of totem poles and what I can only describe as a 'traditional' building. Grabbed a couple of pictures here, then started back down Tongass Highway.
Between Saxman and Ketchikan there is an actual, defined path for pedestrians, which made walking even that much easier. As I passed the Coast Guard station I grabbed a photo of the ships, with their guns bundled up against the weather, then kept on walking. One thing I didn't remember but visited was Bayview Cemetery, which is owned by the City of Ketchikan. I took a walk up along the road in the cemetery and realized just quite how wonderful the view from it really is. After this, I was essentially in town. I passed countless salmon processing plants, each with it's own barracks and processing facilities. This is, in fact, where most of the canned salmon which originates in the US is from.
Next was downtown. The first place I stopped was a smallish gift shop run by a rather nice lady. I picked up a number of post cards, which interestingly enough came out to a total of exactly ten dollars. I mentioned to her how I had once spent a good period of time in Ketchikan and from there grew a conversation about how much the city has changed. I guess there is now a WalMart on the north end of town, just past one of the car dealerships. I think that's truly a shame, as the last thing this town needs is a large company pushing out all of the smaller shops. Combined with the Ketchikan Pulp Company mill closing in 1996 she said that the town has been pretty hard hit. She said that her shop has been around for about two years while her husband, who has a government job brings in the money which pays the bills. I hope that things work out for her, although knowing how the modern world treats the small business person, I don't have much hope.
Next came my visit to Soho Coho. This is a small town modern art shop, owned by resident artist Ray Troll and his wife, selling lots of Mr. Troll's books and artwork, as well as work by a number of southeast Alaska artists. I picked up a few more post cards here, noticed that they had moved downstairs, talked with Mr. Troll's wife for a few about the move, then continued on my way. Right along Fish Creek, the stream / river which runs through town, is the Ketchikan Public Library. I walked straight to the back of it and grabbed a few pictures of the small water fall-ish portion of Fish Creek through the all-glass reading portion of the library. I proceeded to inquire about internet access, completely missing the signs which stated that access is only for research purposes and only for library card holders. One requirement for having a card is that you be a resident of Ketchikan. Ah well, it was worth the effort. I can completely understand why this rule is in place, too, as without it there would be an endless stream of tourists wanting to use the internet terminals.
After the library I grabbed a second latte, this one with four shots, from Moggie's, a place near the preschool where I used to take Andrew in the morning for school. (Andrew is the nephew of the person I lived with.) Right before I arrived at the coffee shop one of the regulars had spilled a nice large Chai on the counter, floor, and displays. Everyone in the shop was joking around while cleaning it up and it was generally just a pretty funny situation. The guy behind the counter kept apologizing to me for the wait even though it wasn't any more than five minutes. It seems their latte has up to four shots in it, so that was the order, a nice large latte with four shots of espresso, bringing my current day espresso intake up to seven shots. Maybe that's why I feel so wired?
Anyway, next was the aforementioned post office incident. It really struck me as odd because I was in no way attempting to find anyone I knew when I came to town, but there behind the counter, selling stamps and other postcard items, was Elizabeth Rado, who I had once known a number of years ago. As detailed earlier, I attempted to be cordial and say hi, but that didn't go as planned. While I don't think my treatment was deserved, especially after seven years, I think it is understandable. To prevent any confusion I'll detail, in short, what happened between Elizabeth and I. Basically, when I was here in March/April 1996 and involved with Kate, the person with whom I was living with, things were occasionally happening between Elizabeth and I. There was nothing beyond kissing and holding hands, but something none the less. When I returned on September 1st, 1996, this continued, but on more than a few occasions I broke off the relationship, then tried to get it back going again, all because I was confused. At that time I really didn't know what I wanted with anything, and portions of that confusion manifested itself in my relationship with Elizabeth. The last time I saw her was the night before I left Ketchikan, October 15th, 1996, in her kitchen, with me crying my eyes out because I felt lonely, like a failure, and generally mad at everything. There had been no contact since that time. (Please note; I did not mention this for pity or anything, I just wanted to give background.)
After collecting my stamps I left the post office in a bit of a daze, wandered up the road for a while and grabbed a few more photos, mostly up one hill in the area around the court house and police station. After walking back down the hill and having the post office incident hit me a bit, I decided to give Crystal, the person from Juneau, a call to set things up for tomorrow. This didn't go as planned as I ended up dropping $1.50 in the pay phone just to leave a message on an answering machine for a number which I'm not sure I got right. Oh well, it was just pocket change. I think I'll throw the rest of the change in the slot machines later tonight. $1.00 in a nickel slot machine is a good catharsis.
Remembering back to the library, they had fliers which listed places where public internet access was available, one of those being Seaport Cyber, a place right next to where the cruise ship docks. I think the guy running this place has a good game going. First off, access is $5/hour, which isn't a bad price for a decent speed connection, perhaps 128k or so. Second, with your access you get the minutes stored on your account connected to a swipe card. Since there are branches of this internet shop in Juneau and Sitka, you can use the remaining minutes of your access at the next couple cruise ship stops. Not bad at all... Now I'll be able to check my email the next two days without paying the $0.50/minute that the ships internet shop requires. Still, I can't complain about the ships price because the data is likely sent via satellite. After checking my c0nsumer@ and lj@ accounts, sending a note to my mom, and making a quick LiveJournal post to say hi to everyone who reads my posts, I logged out and headed back to the ship, stopping only to take a few more photos, bringing today's photo total to 107.
After going through security (metal detector, X-ray machine, etc) I came back to my room hung up wet clothing, let out a big sigh, and wrote the previous entry. All in all, I think it was good that I came back here, because it forced me to realize one thing: The attraction I've previously had to Ketchikan was not because of its beauty, no matter how much of it abounds, as there are many beautiful parts of the world. Nor was it because of the people, or the remoteness, the fresh air, or the ocean. The attraction was because of memories of hope, the pursuit of love, and the potential for something different: being on my own. Strip this away and all you have left is a small town with friendly people and nothing for me. I'm glad I came here, but I don't think that I will ever be back. Everything I wanted and had desired was realized for me when I moved out my parents house, started spending time with my current friends, and found that the basic, required form of love isn't just one solitary person, it's the platonic love inherent in a community of friends.
I've been writing for about one and a half hours now, and it's about time for the ship to leave port and head on to Juneau. I think that I'm going to go to one of the upper decks and watch the departure, hopefully capturing some photos of the (now abandoned) pulp mill, Totem Bight, the airport, and any other places I didn't get to walk to.
3:40 PM ADT
Well, we're out of Ketchikan and I am now the farthest north that I have ever, in my life, been. With each letter I type this statement is reinforced. When I returned to my room I found that the bowl of fruit had been delivered, so I'm now munching on a banana. Gee, I love bananas.
While on one of the upper decks I met an interesting guy, a Mr. Alan Jackson from the Cleveland, Ohio area. We were talking about the town and it seems that when he was little his father was rather high up in Canada Pacific, who operated all the steam ships in south east Alaska around 50 years ago. Because of this he had a pass which allowed him free, unlimited travel on all rail and ship lines in Alaska, which he took advantage of. He was telling me stories about Ketchikan when all the roads outside of town were dirt and jobs were plentiful. He also told of how he met the Governor of Alaska when setting up Audio / Video for the World Expo in Seattle, and the Governor told him to come to Alaska and find a job, and if he couldn't find a job right away, he could stay in the Governor's Mansion until he found work. Based on the time period mentioned, I believe it.
I was able to get a number more photos, including Totem Bight (albeit from a distance), the site that used to be Ketchikan Pulp Company, the Coast Guard boat which was escorting us through the Tongass Narrows, a random Army transport that was anchored near one of the Ketchikan harbors, and a small, unmanned lighthouse.
My mind keeps flashing back to the situation with Elizabeth earlier today. I know it all occurred in the course of 30 seconds, but it still seems rather heavy. It is all like my original memories of Ketchikan, though. I wonder; did my experiences really happen? Everything seems like a dream, but when I am back where everything occurred, everything is almost as I remember. Then again, that was such a different me at the time... I know people don't change that much, but I know for a fact that I was less responsible, less 'mature', and almost completely devoid of self confidence.
Anyway, that's enough rambling about my thoughts and emotions for now. This trip is about seeing Alaska in 2003, not about reliving poor decisions and tragedies from 1996. It's also post card time.
5:40 PM ADT
I just had some mushroom and potato casserole from the buffet along with some bread and string beans. Nice and tasty... Dinner's coming up in not too long, but I don't know if I'm going to go. I'm not sure I'm in the mood. Maybe I'm tired from walking for about four hours straight in pouring rain, maybe it's mental, maybe it's jet lag, and maybe it's a combination, who knows.
You know, that potato casserole was really, really good. Hopefully they'll have some nice stuff in the dinner buffet, else I'll probably throw on some nicer clothes and head on down to the dining room for dinner. I think I need a shower first... Yeah... That's the ticket. Oh, I got a number of post cards written out. Well, ten of them, some of which were just regular cards, not post cards, but that's not a big deal. I've just got eight more to do after. After what? After after. Yeah, that's it. Oh, I also need to cut back on the sweets again. My molars are starting to hurt when I eat sweet stuff, so I'm taking that as a sign to cut out what I have been consuming.
There's some Firewerk coming out of my notebook's speakers right now. They really, really are a great band. I'm enjoying this. Actually, the album just ended so I switched to some random song from the Rave '92 comp. I did drop a dollar into a 5¢, but this time I hardly won anything and my dollar vanished in about five minutes. That's all right, it just didn't provide me with enough entertainment. So, yes. Shower and teeth cleaning time.
7:18 PM ADT
Quick thought of the moment... Will my continuing to wear all black mean that in a few years I'll look like the random weird 80s guy who continues to wear nothing but white pants and shirts with white shoes? I hope not. Yes, I think I need food, too.
9:14 PM ADT
Okay, now this cruise is bordering on the bizarre. At least three times a day I can come back to my room and expect to find it redone. For example, the shower I took earlier... Well, after that I went and got some dinner. I come back to find my bed turned back, a chocolate on the pillow, brand new dry towels, and a clean drinking glass. This is just odd. I'm not used to anything like this... In fact, I'm perfectly happy with one wet and one dry towel as I only use one at a time. Bizarre.
Anyway, dinner tonight was really truly good. It was a nice way to cap off a rather odd day. First off, I had a glass of some random Pinot Noir that was really, really good. It was $6.50 for the glass, but I don't care, it was worth it. Then in place of a salad I got a place of cheeses, all of which were good, skipped the appetizer, and went straight for a lobster alfredo for dinner. It was just good. Plain old good. Top it all off with an apple tart for dessert and nice people to eat with and I was all set. Oh, the people I sat with... First off was a British gentleman from London who is traveling alone. I only wish I had his eating manners. No matter how difficult the food, he managed to eat it with a fork and a knife, neatly making little piles on what Americans consider the back side of the fork, then delicately placing it in his mouth. There was also a seeming rather liberal couple from Seattle, as we made some mutual comments about the PATRIOT act being written prior to September 11th, 2001, and how Republicans are in no place to talk about wanting smaller government all the while imposing stricter limits on personal privacy. Oh, interestingly enough, the couple from the Seattle area have two nephews (or something like that) who both work for EDS, one in Dayton, OH and the other, well, somewhere else. The other couple that I was seated with was from the Chicago area. He is retired Navy, and, well, I don't know what she does. They were all interesting to talk with, though. And the food? Oh I already mentioned that, didn't I?
After dinner I was going to take a walk out on the deck, but there were signs posted talking about high winds and how one should be careful. Well, me being me, I decided to ignore them. To my surprise I was hit with what felt like a good 25 Mph wind. With that, I came right back inside, having done my share of braving the wind and rain for the day. Checking the ship information station, it seems that there is a 'Force 4 - Moderate Breeze' wind out, and the temperature is 42.8° F, with 1.5' - 4' waves. Sitting here in my cabin I can feel a pretty good rocking back and forth. I'm actually debating grabbing some alcohol in an attempt to determine what effect alcohol has on the perception of a rocking ship. I can assume that it'll make things feel stronger, but I'm really not sure. Actually, I think I'll probably head over to the library area and do some reading. There's still plenty more of Body of Secrets to read, then I've got some more post cards to write out, two more in fact, then it's bed time. We're docking at about 7:00 ADT tomorrow, and since the docking procedure is rather boring, I think I'll set my alarmish clock for 7:00 ADT on the dot.
Oh, also, Crystal managed to email me after I sent her a note. She said she'd be up about 10:00 ADT, so I'll wander around town and give her a call at that time. As always I'm hoping for GSM service, but I just don't think it'll happen. Ah well. At least there is internet access.
10:01 PM ADT
Hmm. Sleepy. I was sitting in the library reading more of Body of Secrets and feeling the sway of the ship when I started to nod off, my book occasionally falling over in my lap and me reading parts without remembering them. I think that means it's time to go to bed. So, I shall.